I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
