Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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