He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
