how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
