Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
