I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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