Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
