Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
