never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize