All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
