I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
