well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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