you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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