id be glad to
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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