You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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