I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
