I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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