she looked like the before picture.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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