i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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