god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My dick has a subreddit
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize