I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
