Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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