Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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