I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You have to summon your inner elephant
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize