just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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