my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
