Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
