he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We are all done wearing pants today
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
