Jerry, you need to find god
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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