If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
