Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
