I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
