WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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