My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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