Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
