I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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