i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
