I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
