take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What a dumb baby whore.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
