nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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