The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
