i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
