I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
