I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
