matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize