Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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