there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
