I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wish you could order shots online.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
