My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
