I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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