when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
