That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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