I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
