You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
