wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
