he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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