i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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