Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
We're too hungover to prance.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
