singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
