Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
