Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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