This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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